LISTEN UP MEN! I have seen far too many of these following mistakes by men over the age of 30. This is unacceptable. Most of these things are not permissible over 25, however none of these 60 things should ever be done by men over the age of 30.
1. Coin his own nickname.
2. Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro.
3. Rank his friends in order of best, second best, and so on.
4. Shout out a response to "Are you ready to rock?"
5. Name his penis his name plus junior.
6. Hang art with tape.
7. Hang any picture of an animated cartoon character.
8. Ask a policeman, "You ever shoot anybody with that thing?"
9. Ask a woman, "Hey, you got a license for that ass?"
11. Take a camera to a nude beach.
12. Let his father do his taxes.
13. Tap on the glass.
14. Hacky sack.
15. Use the word collated on his resume.
16. Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.
17. Name pets after Middle Earth characters.
18. Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.
19. Give shout-outs.
20. Use numbers in place of words or locations, such as "the 411" for information, or "the 310" for Los Angeles.
21. Hug amusement-park characters.
22. Wear Disney-themed neckties.
23. Wake up to cartoons.
24. Talk to people using a Godfather or Scarface accent.
25. Request extra sprinkles.
26. Air drum.
27. Choose 69 as his jersey number.
28. Eat Oreo cookies in stages.
29. Volunteer to be a magician's assistant.
30. Sleep on a bare mattress.
31. End a conversation with "later skater."
32. Hold his lighter up at a concert.
33. Publicly greet friends by shouting, "What's up, you whore?"
34. Wear Converse All Stars with a tuxedo.
35. Propose via stadium Jumbotron.
36. Decide anything based on the ruminations of Howard Stern.
37. Call "shotgun" before getting in a car.
38. Dispute someone else's call of "shotgun."
40. Mist up during any rock ballad or love song.
41. Purchase fireworks.
42. Google the word vagina.
43. Ride a pony.
44. Sport an ironic mustache.
45. Hit 13 against a 6.
46. Organize a party bus.
47. Say "two points" every time he throws something in the trash.
48. Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write, "Wish you were here" on it.
49. Keg stands.
50. Purchase home-brewing paraphernalia.
51. The John Travolta point-to-the-ceiling-point-to-the-floor dance move; also that one from Pulp Fiction.
52. Put less than ten dollars' worth of gas in the tank.
53. Keep a minuscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden.
54. Read The Fountainhead.
55. Watch any laser light show anywhere.
56. Refer to his girlfriend's breasts as "the twins."
57. Own a vanity plate.
59. Say goodbye to anyone by tapping his chest and even so much as whispering, "Peace out."
60. Before going out yell to your friends "Tonight We're Gonna Get Fu@#ed Up!"