Forums / Political & Legal / Attornies

5 years 21 weeks ago, 11:30 PM

samD

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Rank:
President
Points:
15597
Join Date:
Aug 2008
Location:
Green Valley, Free State of Arizona, United States
Attornies

ATTORNEYS

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:
Yes.

ATTORNEY:
And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I
forget.

ATTORNEY:
You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know
about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:
Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS:
He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS:
Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS:
Yes.

ATTORNEY:
And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS:
Getting laid

______________________
______________________

ATTORNEY:
She had three children, right?

WITNESS:
Yes.

ATTORNEY:
How many were boys?

WITNESS:
None.

ATTORNEY:
Were there any girls?

WITNESS :
Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:
By death.

ATTORNEY:
And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:
Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:
He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY:
Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:
Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I
sent to your attorney?

WITNESS:
No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS:
All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:
Oral.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Do you recall=2
0the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:
The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

ATTORNEY:
And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS:
If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS:
Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And the
best for last:

ATTORNEY:
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS:
No.

ATTORNEY:
Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS:
No.

ATTORNEY:
Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS:
No.

ATTORNEY:
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?

WITNESS:
No.

ATTORNEY:
How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY:
I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

THINK
ABOUT IT! MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE LAWYERS.

5 years 21 weeks ago, 8:55 AM

zx12rmike

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Rank:
President Pro Temp
Points:
7870
Join Date:
Dec 2008
Location:
commiefornia, United States

lol, I'll be laughing all day at this, yes people are that stoooopid! And they work in our court system!

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" Thomas Jefferson
5 years 21 weeks ago, 4:23 AM

runawaygun762

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Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States
That's great

I really need to go to court again. I'm sure I can use one of these.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.

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