Forums / Off Topic / Don't mess with Gandpa

4 years 20 weeks ago, 1:14 PM

Vaquero

Vaquero's picture

Rank:
General of the Army
Points:
5482
Join Date:
Dec 2009
Location:
West Texas
Don't mess with Gandpa

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up
with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by
saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS
finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says
Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that
I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a
bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The
auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand
dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He
starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks
'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand
on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on
the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could
possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream
reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much
urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in
his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning,
when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he
bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in
here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
4 years 20 weeks ago, 9:17 PM

Tamed

Tamed's picture

Rank:
Major
Points:
55
Join Date:
Mar 2010
Location:
Dallas, Texas, United States
haha

HAHA now thats my kind of old people GO GRANDPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 years 20 weeks ago, 9:20 PM

kncald

kncald's picture

Rank:
Colonel
Points:
163
Join Date:
Dec 2009
Location:
Arkansas, United States
Not a bad day

if you can do both and get away with it.

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