Economics 101 (2008 Version)
1.The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called WalMart Street.
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be reading this, if
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar.
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures.
9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.
** New Stock Market Terms **
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
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