Forums / Off Topic / Funny Military Stories

5 years 22 weeks ago, 10:40 AM

runawaygun762

runawaygun762's picture

Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States
Funny Military Stories

The monkey thing in another post gave me this idea. There are an awful lot of vets in here, so let's hear some funny stories. Of course, all military sories should always start out with "So no shit, there I was". For example; So no shit, there I was, back in the Poon Tang province. We were knee deep in the bush. I was a hairy situation, but we finally fingered it out, and got it licked. Let's see 'em. I don't control anything, but true stories would be appreciated. Military life is funny enough without people making shitm up, although a bit of embellishment is to be expected.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
5 years 22 weeks ago, 10:53 AM

runawaygun762

runawaygun762's picture

Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States

Lying in my poncho liner hammock on radio watch in Panama. It was later in the afternoon, we were waiting for night to fall for reverse-cycle training (night training). We were told never to sleep on the ground in the jungle if you could help it but of course there were those who didn't listen. All of a sudden I heard one of the loudest, most bone-chilling screams imaginable, and then thrashing around within our perimeter. I grabbed my machete, since we didn't have live rounds during the training and ran toward the source of the commotion. Me and another soldier get to the site just in time to see a guy hop up from under his ruined poncho hooch (that's a low-hung shelter made with a rain poncho tied between trees) and take off into the jungle screaming. Me and the other soldier take off after him and finally catch him after he trips and falls. We escort him back to the perimeter where most of the company is starting to show up, and we sit the guy down. We finally get him calm and when his platoon sergeant asks him what the fuck just happened, he says he was getting to sleep and kept feeling something on the back of his neck and he kept swatting it. He said he rolled over so the bug or whatever would go away and this is what he said he saw, almost verbatim "I rolled over and right in front of my face was a fucking monkey sitting on my rucksack". Apparently neither participant was too pleased, although we never saw the monkey to get it's side of the story.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
5 years 22 weeks ago, 11:40 AM

charley9toe

charley9toe's picture

Rank:
Lieutenant General
Points:
1114
Join Date:
Mar 2009
Monkeys in Combat

We had cut a small LZ out of jungle on top of a ridge line, and of course put out perimeter defense. About 9P.M. that night, one trip flare goes up. A new guy opens up, then suddenly booby trap grenades and more trip flares go off.
That prompted Claymore ignition on about a 40 meter front accompanied by a base of fire in that area. After no incoming fire was detected and we got everyone stopped, we started to hear groaning. The scratching around in a dried bamboo patch and the groaning kept up most of the night. At 1st light a patrol was sent out and reported monkeys everywhere, on the ground, and in the trees. Mostly in pieces. A body count wasn't taken, just that it must have been a large troop and we got most of them. That is a Troop C, 1/9 Recon Sgdn, 1st Cav Div escapade. At least the Sqdn Commander didn't stand up and say; aaahh I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

(You have to look behind all of that outer space stuff)
5 years 22 weeks ago, 11:44 AM

runawaygun762

runawaygun762's picture

Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States

Fucking things were probably enemy sympathizers anyway

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
5 years 21 weeks ago, 6:19 PM

luckybychoice

luckybychoice's picture


Rank:
Secretary of the Treasury
Points:
6781
Join Date:
May 2009
Location:
United States

I was with the Marines K-3/1 in fall of 1975 going thru mountain warfare training near Bridgeport, NV. and we had set up a perimeter around the top of this large wooded hillside.We had a good view of a 2 lane roadway cutting thru the mountains.

As it was getting dark we saw 2 trucks pulling campers pull into a wayside and park and out steps 2 couples one from each truck and they commence to set up camp! Wargames are fun!

We were about 100 meters up the hill and tactical,no fires or BS going on,everybody was cammied up too.

Our company Gunny was a samoan 7th Dan black belt and he passed the word that on his signal we were going to open up with blanks and scare the crap out of these tourists.

Well we did,it sounded great! those fuckers were sitting around their campfire,enjoying the evening,and when we cut loose we could see them shit themselves and run for cover.Damn funny!

One of the guys ran into his truck and came out blasting with his hunting rifle!! Shooting up the hillside wildly!Not so damn funny!

We were shooting blanks,he wasn't,Gunny was PISSED!

He charged down that hill yelling in profanity laced Samoan and profanity laced English to Cease fucking fire or die at his hands!

Now we were shitting ourselves laughing so much and shouting obscenities that it was total bedlam,until cooler heads prevailed.

After a big powwow at their campfire involving lots of rank the tourists packed their crap and pulled out. Wargames are fun.

i tried being reasonable,i didn't like it, NRA LIFE MEMBER,USMC VETERAN
5 years 21 weeks ago, 6:25 PM

LittleDragon

LittleDragon's picture

Rank:
Points:
2560
Join Date:
Apr 2009
Location:
Dallas, Texas

ryo love that story very much and will have to share with my pops. but might not have been funny at all if that guy had hit anyone on your team with live round.

Your friend,

LittleDragon

Moshi Moshi from LittleDragon
5 years 21 weeks ago, 1:33 AM

Scout6

Scout6's picture

Rank:
Lieutenant Colonel
Points:
83
Join Date:
May 2009
Location:
Ky
chopped steak

On a fine thanksgiving day in Iraq we had a couple locals bring us a live cow to our FOB to slaughter and eat but they just dropped it off at the gate and left. So once we figured out that it didnt have any kind of explosive sticking out its ass we brought it in and put it in a makeshift corral made of C-wire. Not many of us had ever actually done this kind of thing before so we just figured it couldnt be that hard. My Plt sgt decided he would be the one to kill it, so he walks up with his 9mm pistol and puts it between the cows eyes and shoots. Just when he pulled the trigger the cow jerked its head up and he shot it right in the nose, obviously not killing it. The cow freaked out completely and started running all around this corral we had made, slinging blood and snot everywhere. At this point most of the guys standing around freaked out too and about 6 of us opened up with our M-4's, we managed to hit the cow several times and it ended up tangled in the C-wire still alive kicking around trying to escape and bleeding everywhere. Eventually one of our guys managed a good head shot and ended the excitement. after the final count the cow was hit 30-40 times and we decided that hamburgers would be better than steak anyway! out of all my experiences I didnt get to video, this was the one I regret the most.

5 years 20 weeks ago, 7:24 AM

ivantank

ivantank's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
3383
Join Date:
Feb 2009
Location:
lancaster, south carolina, United States

back in 1987 i was hauling boats[ yachts ] for a living. this trip had me picking up a 42' silverton in millville, new jersey. the destination was a marina in san diago california...once i hit the california line on I-10 i called the marina to give them my ETA..they infromed me the the owner wanted me to stop by his place of employment on the way in..kool just extra money in my pocket..when i was told in was the naval air base i was intriged but hell its cali, lots of weird shit there; but i degress, me never being on a military instillation before i pull up to the main gate...now the beam on the silverton is almost 15' and the height of the boat on the trailer was 14'4"..oversise to say the least..but here i was parked in front on the main gate..well blocking it actually..i had a name!! no rank!! just a name and a number on the base..but first things firts this boat ant getting through that gate unless someones got a blow torch..after lots of angry conversations with the air cops or mp's..i give them the name i got...boy o boy did that ever change their tune..don't ask me who the guy was..dont know his rank..but i got escorted to a rear entrance where if u remember the blow torch i mentioned..well they got me on that base so the proud owner could have a picture with himself and part of his staff..what is it you guys say" rank has its privligaes"

I have reasons for the things I do, just don't expect them to be reasonable

Who's Online

Guns Lot Activity
Users
Currently Active Users: 803 (1 member and 802 guests)
LLE

Users Active within the last 24 hours
LLE, nobile157, teko52, captmax, DanO, tallguy007, Caber, presslerms
Guns Lot Statistics
Stats Topics: 8,654, Comments: 161,088, Members: 23,517
Welcome our newest member: Hank6046

Recent Activity