Forums / Off Topic / JOKES

6 years 6 days ago, 1:21 PM

Pkato

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JOKES

Why handguns are sometimes better than women (I am sure the women on the site can find a reciprocal joke for us)!!!

#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.

#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.

#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.

#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.

#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.

#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.

#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.

#3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.

And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman...

#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN !!!

Patrolman Kato
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone
under independence. -- George Washington
6 years 6 days ago, 1:21 PM

Pkato

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Another

" yee haw! "
, a taxidermist from connecticut decides to take a vacation to arkansas. after arriving, he decides to visit the local watering hole. as he enters the bar he notices all eyes are on him and there is an uncomfortable feeling in the air. the taxidermist approaches the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. after handing the beer to him the barkeep says, "don't think i've seen you around here before, where you from and what do you do?" the tsxidermist answers, "i'm from connecticut and i mount animals.""oh," the bartender says, "its ok boys, he's one of us!"

Patrolman Kato
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone
under independence. -- George Washington
6 years 6 days ago, 1:25 PM

Pkato

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Last one

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk."

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!"

Patrolman Kato
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone
under independence. -- George Washington
6 years 6 days ago, 1:39 PM

Ebear

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lol

damn PKATO, I LOVE THE FIRST AND LAST ONES....YOU WERE ON A ROLL THERE.LOL

...check... G-AZ
6 years 10 hours ago, 7:22 PM

clintlebo

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beer

Pkato,
i heard the first one about beer, but I favor the use of firearms in this context better!!

clint

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
6 years 7 hours ago, 10:28 PM

Anonymous

joke

you fall asleep watching tv,you awake in the dark and you see your tv moving,what do you say?
freeze motherfucker!

5 years 52 weeks ago, 3:19 PM

Anonymous

Joke

What does a blonde and a ocean have in common?

They both have crabs.

What does a blonde and a Jell-O have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

5 years 52 weeks ago, 3:52 PM

clintlebo

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snake

I don't get it, can you explain Snake?

thanks

clint

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
5 years 52 weeks ago, 4:13 PM

Anonymous

Clinlebo

Blonde jokes see oceans have crabs some blondes have pussy crabs.
Blonde joke 2 some blondes jump and wiggle when you eat there pussy get it?

5 years 52 weeks ago, 6:47 PM

Reaper308

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snake

i don;t get it either... shouldn't it be... Q: what do blondes and damp caves have in common? A: pussy trolls.

"Proelium Comminus Auctoritate" "Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash."
5 years 52 weeks ago, 7:11 PM

Ebear

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question

what do a hillbilly girl and a bear have in commen?the both like lickin their paws.....what do a mexican and a cue-ball have in commen? you have to hit them both with a stick to get alil english out of them.

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 1:30 PM

sytasyn_syn

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Hahaha, Hitting Mexicans...HAHAHAHAHA Nothing better!

Be Kind and Courteous to All That You Meet, But Always Have A Plan to Kill Them -U.S. Marine Corp General-
5 years 51 weeks ago, 6:14 PM

Ebear

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lol

i knew you'd enjoy that

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 1:45 PM

clintlebo

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english

Another way to make mexican speak english, simply tell them that you have no money to pay them. Rhodes Scholars, all of them.

okay, maybe only in the construction world...

clint

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
5 years 51 weeks ago, 3:00 PM

Big Mernie

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Restaurants too

Clintlebo it works that way in restaurants to, if the paycheck is messed up or they forgot to claim married and 10 dependents. But... What do a Fat White Girl and a stack of Shingles have in common. . . Eventually they both get nailed by a Mexican!!!!

5 years 51 weeks ago, 9:45 PM

samD

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Joke

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.

All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.

5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:27 PM

DEMO

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That rules

I worked for a phone company for a few summers in college. They needed summer help to cut down on overtime....I would start a twenty minute job and be told to 'not kill' the job and slow down. These guys would milk a 8 hour day into 4 hours of overtime. Lowered their production to increase ot. WTF

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do
5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:56 PM

Ebear

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wow

those were teamsters?they usually don't allow parttime workers?did they eat allot of donuts?

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:05 PM

Ebear

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zzzzzzzzzzz

as your wife told you on your wedding night " sam, is that the best you've got? here use this broomstick so i can feel something"and you call me lame? Come on Sam give me your best teamster joke!!!!1Hey on a serious note......if your father was a fireman was'nt he part of a union?

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:39 AM

samD

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Spelling

It is wasn't. Not was'nt. The mark goes were the missing letter is supposed to be... Unfortunately my father was in a Union just like you because he was forced to be in one. He couldn't keep his job unless he wasn't.... Just like you and millions of others. Except the Teamsters are losing members by the thousands. Some men can stand on their own two feet, without big brother telling them what they can & can't do...
I have no animosity towards you, actually you are a very pathetic lost soul, who has no intelligent thoughts. You can only scream epithets and innuendo. No substance only hurl deletorius personal attacks. You are not a worthy opponent. Sorry, el jeffe su loco in su cabeza.

5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:54 AM

Ebear

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oh

so, your father was forced to have health benefits? those bastards!!i bet he got a real shitty pension too huh?me? i've got this shitty Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance that pays 90% on everything.YOU never answered any of my questions Sam, well you did correct my spelling ........thanks. what is a mexicoon?Im sure MAXPAIN AND 2ND AMMENDMENT WANT TO KNOW.When's your next Klan rally? Can I COME?........I'LL PROMISE TO SIT IN THE BACK AND BE QUITE.Hey did you notice how LLE was trying to split us apart with his kindness and fairness drivle!!!!!!That will never happen.......Im happy following you honeybunch.Dos tacos con queso porfavor.

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 11:30 AM

samD

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It is Quiet

Quite is an adjective describing somethings suitability.
It is drivel!
I have always paid for my own health insurance. I was in business for myself, standing on my own two feet and not sucking the tit of the Union. By the way how is Jo Hoffa is she still alive? did you guys find Jimmy yet? Mafia took care of him. Don't mess with the mob and their Teamster Bandits.
Never been to a Klan Rally, have they been bothering you again. I would imagine those pesky burnt crosses on your lawn may scare your little ones...
Really if you would just stop the Personal BS, this would open up room for intelligent dialogue. I just heard the word Mexicoon when I was growing up in Calif. Never really knew what it meant.
In the words of that wacko John Lennon, "Give Peace a Chance" lol

5 years 51 weeks ago, 11:40 AM

Ebear

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GOOD POINTS TWICE

BUT GROWING UP YOU DID SUCK ON THE UNION NIPPLE.........I NEVER KNEW JIMMY HOFFA. COME ON SAMD......WHY WOULD LARGE BRAINED MAMMAL LIKE YOURSELF CALL SOMEONE A NAME AND NOT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.IM SURE YOU RESEARCHED ITS MEANING IN YOUR SPECIAL WAY.YOU CAN SHARE CAN'T YOU.DID THE BIG BAD NEGROES HURT YOU WHEN YOU WERE COMING UP?NOPE NEVER HAD THE KLAN BOTHER ME UP HERE IN THE BIG CITY.THEY ARE OUT NUMBERED BY LIBRALS LIKE LLE.......I BET HE'S A MEXICOON TOO.HEY WAS JOHN LENNON SHOT BY A MEXICOON?

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 1:45 PM

samD

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Joke

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass..' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have
some Cheerios.' WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the
kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!'

5 years 51 weeks ago, 2:01 PM

LLE

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I think that is really funny. as Uncle Miltie used to say:

"I wish I thought of that..........

and I probably will"

Can I have permission to retell it?

Too old to fight, Too old to run, guess that's why I carry a gun! "would someone show this asshole the way out of town".[Rabbi Avram Belinski-aka "The Frisco Kid"]
5 years 51 weeks ago, 2:06 PM

samD

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anytime

Nothing is copyrighted here!

5 years 51 weeks ago, 7:23 PM

Ebear

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a little girl is getting her first haicut. she sits in the barber chair quietly eating her favorite pastery as the barber cuts her hair. the barber looks down and says to her " awww you got a little hair on your twinky" she looks up and says" yeah and im getting tits too"

...check... G-AZ
5 years 51 weeks ago, 8:31 PM

Crusading Knight

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funny

You guys are funny.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
5 years 51 weeks ago, 9:18 PM

samD

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Please read it all. I am an equal opportunity curmudgeon...

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road...

SARAH PALIN: Because by golly, I was gonna shoot his sorry liberal ass for blocking my view of Russia!

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the otherside of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

5 years 51 weeks ago, 1:14 PM

fatboy02

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Chicken

Hey Sam D. I dont know if that is your words or not, but that is hillarious!!! I hope you dont care if I use this.

5 years 51 weeks ago, 3:33 PM

samD

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Chicken

Not my words. Go ahead and use it as you want...

5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:16 AM

sytasyn_syn

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The Al Gore one was the best, I couldn't stop laughing!!

Be Kind and Courteous to All That You Meet, But Always Have A Plan to Kill Them -U.S. Marine Corp General-
5 years 51 weeks ago, 10:22 AM

Reaper308

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i liked jerry falwell

i liked jerry falwell

"Proelium Comminus Auctoritate" "Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash."
5 years 51 weeks ago, 3:34 PM

samD

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Jerry Fallwell

I liked him too. He was very easy to make fun of. Sort of miss him now...NOT...LOL

5 years 51 weeks ago, 11:38 AM

Pkato

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hey al gore

is probably the biggest loser ever in politics...just sayin' and yes that is MY OPINION...he ranks with James Buchanan, but alas, this is the joke section, so here you go:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

(f'ing New Jersey man...little girl panty wastes from this state)

____________________________________________________________

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

______________________________________________________________________

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Patrolman Kato
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone
under independence. -- George Washington
5 years 51 weeks ago, 2:36 PM

Pkato

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Joke or not...

Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a “fair shake.”
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are “too busy for overtime” to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as “the government.” We will not participate in this “pooling” experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The “government” will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard “for the good of all.”
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's “good to spread the wealth.” Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more “patriotic.”
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free foodstamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

Patrolman Kato
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone
under independence. -- George Washington
5 years 50 weeks ago, 8:49 PM

DEMO

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Right on PKato, Why does Obama and Biden get offended when O'reily asked if this view was socialist?
Lets penalize everyone for being productive...
Great post.

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do
5 years 51 weeks ago, 3:08 PM

fordvg

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Pkato

Pkato, this is great.

"WAR IS A RACKET, I spent most of my time being a high-class muscle-man for Big Business, for Wall Street, and for the Bankers." Major-General Smedley Darlington Butler USMC Ret. 2 time Medal of Honor winner.
5 years 51 weeks ago, 3:26 PM

samD

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Redistribution

Not my joke a friend sent, but use away....

Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read " Vote Obama, I need the money."

I laughed.

Once in the restaurant my server had on a "Obama 08" tie, again I laughed as he had given away his political preference -- just imagine the coincidence.

When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama

"redistribution of wealth concept". He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need--the homeless guy outside.

The server angrily stormed from my sight.

I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside as I've decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.

At the end of my rather unscientific "redistribution" experiment, I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn, even though the actual recipient deserved the money more.

I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.

5 years 51 weeks ago, 3:46 PM

Crusading Knight

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?

Is that our future?

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
5 years 51 weeks ago, 4:14 PM

scoob

scoob's picture

Rank:
Brigadier General
Points:
271
Join Date:
Sep 2008
Location:
Wyandotte, Mi, United States
good jokes

Q: how do u kill a blonde?

A: give her a granade, tell her to pull the pin and throw it.

SamD i heard that one on a trucking forum. I love it.

U can have my gun when I'm dead and cold!!
5 years 51 weeks ago, 2:29 PM

Anonymous

new funny

for those of you that dont read sytasyn syn's blog here you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAPWGN5gJ4M

5 years 50 weeks ago, 7:38 PM

gunslingerjake

gunslingerjake's picture

Rank:
Brigadier General
Points:
223
Join Date:
Aug 2008
Location:
Elmira , New York , United States
snip snip

how do you circumsize a redneck

kick his sister in the jaw

Don't tread on me. I bring a rocket launcher to a gunfight.
5 years 50 weeks ago, 8:58 PM

DEMO

DEMO's picture

Rank:
Lieutenant General
Points:
1268
Join Date:
Oct 2008
Location:
Hamburg, NY
Bad Obama joke

Obama dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly gates St. peter asks Obama who he is. "I am Barry Obama, the first Black President of the United States". St Peter is confused and says" Balck president, when did that happen?"
Obama replies"about 10 minutes ago".

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do
5 years 50 weeks ago, 9:02 PM

sytasyn_syn

sytasyn_syn's picture


Rank:
General
Points:
3614
Join Date:
May 2008
Location:
Michigan, United States

Want to hear the worst political joke ever?
.
.
.
.
.
Sarah Palin.....Get it?

Be Kind and Courteous to All That You Meet, But Always Have A Plan to Kill Them -U.S. Marine Corp General-
5 years 50 weeks ago, 9:05 PM

Ebear

Ebear's picture

Rank:
Speaker of the House
Points:
8497
Join Date:
Jun 2008
Location:
elgin, il, United States
lol

watch it .......i feel the shit storm brewing

...check... G-AZ
2 years 36 weeks ago, 12:37 PM

Saint J.M. Browning

Saint J.M. Browning's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
3511
Join Date:
Feb 2011
Location:
The Colony, Texas, United States
Dead horse

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger crop.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And, of course...
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

"I don't think Hank done it this way" - Waylon
2 years 36 weeks ago, 3:13 PM

LLE

LLE's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
2869
Join Date:
Jul 2008
Location:
United States

You may have missed one--

How about: "Study the possibility that a dead horse of a different color might perform better" ?

Too old to fight, Too old to run, guess that's why I carry a gun! "would someone show this asshole the way out of town".[Rabbi Avram Belinski-aka "The Frisco Kid"]
2 years 36 weeks ago, 3:04 PM

greg az

greg az's picture

Rank:
Secretary of Homeland Security
Points:
5873
Join Date:
Oct 2009
Location:
New York, NY, Tokelau
SJB.. thanks dude..

Can't believe i've missed this post before.. Some of the funniest stuff i've seen for a long time.. From Reap managing to get an "explanation" of our boy snakes joke, Sam's "chicken" stories, to your "dead horse".. Good stuff..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.

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