(Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of
Attorneys PC 370.00)
370.01 Any person with a valid instate
rodent or snake hunting license
may also hunt and harvest attorneys
for recreational and sport (noncommercial)
torneys within 100 yards of BMW,
370.02 Taking of attorneys with
traps or dead-falls is permitted. The
use of United States currency as bait,
however, is prohibited.
370.03 The willful killing of attorneys
with a motor vehicle is prohibited,
unless such vehicle is an ambulance
being driven in reverse. If an
attorney is accidentally struck by a
motor vehicle, the dead attorney
should be removed to the roadside,
and the vehicle should proceed
diately to the nearest car wash.
370.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd
or harvest attorneys from a power
boat, helicopter or aircraft.
370.05 It is unlawful to shout
“WHIPLASH! ” “AMBULANCE!”
or “FREE SCOTCH!” for the purposes
of trapping attorneys.
370.06 It is unlawful to hunt at-
Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except
on Wednesday afternoon.
370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys
within 200 yards of courtrooms,
law libraries, health clubs,
country clubs, hospitals or brothels.
370.08 If an attorney gains elective
office, it is not necessary to have a license
to hunt, trap or possess the same.
370.09 It is unlawful for a hunter
to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident
victim, physician, chiropractor or
tax accountant for the purpose of hunting
370.10 Bag and Possession Limits
per day: Yellow-bellied sidewinders,
2; Two-faced tortfeasors, 1; Backstabbing
divorce litigators, 3; Homrimmed
cut-throats, 2; Minutiae-advocating
dirtbags, 4. Honest attorneys
protected (Endangered Species Act).
ARS 8007.21 It is illegal to take
attorneys with a moving vehicle unless
there are no measurable skid
marks at the kill site.