greasypaws  |
Man Test 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are A queer. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself , has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a Parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. 8. If you don't send this all you guys friend on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler. I dont know if this has been posted before or not. "There is a time for all things, a time to preach and a time to pray, but those times have passed away. There is a time to fight, and that time has now come." --Peter Muhlenberg, from a Lutheran sermon read at Woodstock, Virginia, 1776
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LittleDragon
you got gary chan rolling on the floor laughing so hard ryo think he might wet himself! and he is too young to drive yet too! lol! lmao!
your friend alway,
LittleDragon
zx12rmike
Doesn't matter that's funny but true!
greg az
Greasypaws, somehow i sorta knew id get a kick outa this. Couple of other things you can add to the list are.
1)If youve ever had fake tatto's you got a problem
2)ZZ Top, all country, most rock, old soul is great, but if ya start listening to new age or reggae, ah..
3)If you talk to another man at the urinal.. be REAL careful what you say
4)If you ride a scoot and it's a brand new evo, and all your leather is brand new, and youve never riden in the rain or snow, and if the only run pin you have is to a charity ride, and if you cant tell me what year they stoped making flat heads or worse what they are..please dont strut around the the parking lot like some pit bull biker.
5)If you cry while they play taps. amen, but do it like a man. Let them tears flow, and dont ever appologize for it.
Shakleford
This doesn't apply if you're a Bass Fisherman.....Does It?