**THE WHITE HOUSE**
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy and my over-spending, I have decided to implement a new scheme to require workers, age 50 and above, to accept retirement. As I have said before, it's time that this population be more accepting of the consequences of aging and not seek to greedily fill jobs that are needed by a younger more energetic population. This is the primary cause of the current unacceptably high unemployment.
This scheme will be known as *RAPE* (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be *RAPED* can apply to Congress to be considered for the *SHAFT* program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
There will be a mandatory review of all Persons who have been *RAPED* and *SHAFTED* under the *SCREW* program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be *RAPED* once, *SHAFTED* twice, and
Persons who have been *RAPED* or *SCREWED* could get *AIDS*
Persons who have *AIDS* or *HERPES* will not be *SHAFTED* or *SCREWED* any further.
Persons who are not *RAPE* qualified and have no skill will receive as much *SHIT* (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. I have always prided myself on the amount of
Should you feel that you are not receiving enough *SHIT*, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been specially trained to give you all the *SHIT* you can handle.
Sincerely, President Barack H. Obama
PS: Due to the recent landmark legislation making it illegal to use electricity, gas, and oil, or coal because of the need to eliminate carbon emissions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone
under independence. -- George Washington
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