Forums / Off Topic / Older but not wiser

4 years 36 weeks ago, 7:08 PM

luckybychoice

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Secretary of the Treasury
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May 2009
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United States
Older but not wiser

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend
$15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she
stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the
clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints
and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds
very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he
gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them
against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

__________________________________________

*STRANGE

i tried being reasonable,i didn't like it, NRA LIFE MEMBER,USMC VETERAN
4 years 36 weeks ago, 7:14 PM

samD

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President
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Aug 2008
Location:
Green Valley, Free State of Arizona, United States

We are sly and cunning.

4 years 36 weeks ago, 8:26 PM

zx12rmike

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Rank:
President Pro Temp
Points:
7870
Join Date:
Dec 2008
Location:
commiefornia, United States

Old age and wisdom will overcome youth and enthusiasm every time!

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" Thomas Jefferson
4 years 36 weeks ago, 8:31 PM

runawaygun762

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Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
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Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States
Not every time, zx

Them old tickers can only take so much.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
4 years 36 weeks ago, 8:34 PM

zx12rmike

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Rank:
President Pro Temp
Points:
7870
Join Date:
Dec 2008
Location:
commiefornia, United States

With a smile on your face though :)

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" Thomas Jefferson
4 years 36 weeks ago, 8:43 PM

ja0124

ja0124's picture

Rank:
Colonel
Points:
176
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
bentonville, Ar, United States
Gotta love it

Never underestimate the sneekyness, or the desire to feel a nice set of boobs.

4 years 36 weeks ago, 8:51 PM

Schuyler

Schuyler's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
3905
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Bainbridge Island, Washington, United States

Never use the drive-thru at McDonald's. You might miss something crucial.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
4 years 36 weeks ago, 8:55 PM

runawaygun762

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Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States

I have to turn off my truck for them to hear me and people's wrinkled noses and annoyed looks behind me tells me they also love the smell of diesel fumes.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
4 years 36 weeks ago, 9:16 PM

zx12rmike

zx12rmike's picture

Rank:
President Pro Temp
Points:
7870
Join Date:
Dec 2008
Location:
commiefornia, United States

I told you the other day you were crazy, now you can add obnoxious too! lol
I should have bought a "D" cell, the tuner packages are awesome.

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" Thomas Jefferson
4 years 36 weeks ago, 2:14 PM

Schuyler

Schuyler's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
3905
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Bainbridge Island, Washington, United States

they can hear me so I keep the fumes going for their sniffing pleasure. I can barely fit around the 90 degree turn, though.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
4 years 36 weeks ago, 9:29 PM

runawaygun762

runawaygun762's picture

Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States
I am obnoxious

And I am obviously compensating for shortcomings elsewhere.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
4 years 36 weeks ago, 9:38 PM

zx12rmike

zx12rmike's picture

Rank:
President Pro Temp
Points:
7870
Join Date:
Dec 2008
Location:
commiefornia, United States

I am too....constantly,lol!!

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" Thomas Jefferson
4 years 36 weeks ago, 1:52 AM

runawaygun762

runawaygun762's picture

Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States

But I went one size up in tires, so now if I turn too far left, my tire rubs against the front leaf springs. I have some 1 1/2" spacers that I plan to install tomorrow. I might tackle the brake pad thing myself tomorrow too, but I'm still contemplating letting the pros do any work that involves safety.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.

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