Forums / Off Topic / Puns for the educated mind

6 years 10 weeks ago, 2:07 PM

OozeRat

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1. The fastest knight at King arthur's round table was Sir Cumference, Who gained his large stature by eating too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island turns out he was an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still

4. A rubber band gun was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope it will still be stationary.

6. A dog gave birth to puppoies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a bannana.

11. Athiesm is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack One hat said to the other "You stay here I'll go on a head.

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "keep off the grass"

15. The midget fortune teller that escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse

18.In democracy it's your vote that counts. In fuedalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibles ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an Airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says "I'm sorry sir only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "DAM!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kyak were cold so they lit a fore in the craft. Unsuprisingly it sank, proving yet again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24 Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron" The other saya "Are you sure" The first replies "Yes I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: trancend dental medication.

26. There was a person who sent ten puns to his friends to his friends, with hope that at least ine of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Nothing is as risky as certain failure.
6 years 10 weeks ago, 2:43 PM

Lyle Hutchins 1

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OozeRat

Wat u smok'n??
I did like, 13, 14, & 15

Lyle

Lyle Hutchinson
6 years 10 weeks ago, 2:53 PM

OozeRat

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Not smokin anything my father in law gave this list to me, I thought most of them were pretty funny.

Nothing is as risky as certain failure.
6 years 10 weeks ago, 4:41 PM

ecaman

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Dave

Keep it up - these were great!

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain).
6 years 10 weeks ago, 4:54 PM

HKBauer

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funny!

Good ones!

6 years 10 weeks ago, 5:03 PM

catfish88

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I don't get number 3. I guess I"m not edumacated enough.

6 years 10 weeks ago, 5:05 PM

virtualviolet

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so the pun is where the play on words is between loving her anyway or loving her whiskey making equipment...

6 years 10 weeks ago, 8:46 PM

luckybychoice

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funny

good stuff

i tried being reasonable,i didn't like it, NRA LIFE MEMBER,USMC VETERAN
6 years 9 weeks ago, 6:18 PM

Tracer

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A still is what you make whiskey in, catfish. Those were great. My favorite one was probably the last one and, ironically, the most relevant. Was that on purpose perhaps?

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