Forums / Off Topic / Somthin to get ya laughing

3 years 34 weeks ago, 8:51 PM

HKBauer

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Bronze Statue
Posted by Notorious Nick Friday, May 21, 2010 comments (0) A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".

The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have any bronze liberals?"
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There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year.

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason; they simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital

A search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, in finding enough asses to fill the stable.

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John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time. To make things easier, he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.

Concerned, he went to investigate. John saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, had sufficent warning, and had time to run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. Old Butch was able to sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one, without any warning.

John was so proud of old Butch, he decided to enter him in the Renfrew County Fair. He quickly became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The judges loved Old Butch so much they awarded old Butch "the No Bell Piece Prize" and also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise."

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully every election, the bells are not always audible.

3 years 34 weeks ago, 8:54 PM

zx12rmike

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Comedy, i live for comedy

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" Thomas Jefferson
3 years 34 weeks ago, 8:57 PM

ecaman

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Andy

These were really funny. Keep 'em coming!

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain).
3 years 34 weeks ago, 9:02 PM

HKBauer

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Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven,

God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies: “Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I’ve come to understand that now."

God thinks for a second and says:

“Very good. Come and sit at my left.’’

God then addresses Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies: “I believe in forgiveness. I’ve sinned, but I’ve never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."

God thinks for a second and says:

“You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."

Then God addresses Barack. “Barack, what do you believe in?’’

He replies: “I believe you’re in my chair.”
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Question: If you were in a room with Hitler, Mussolini and Carville and you only had two bullets what should you do?
Answer: Shoot Carville twice.
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Question: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.

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Posted by Notorious Nick Sunday, August 16, 2009 comments (0) U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

3 years 34 weeks ago, 9:05 PM

ecaman

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Adam

Sorry - I don't know where that "Andy" came from. And these were really good too. I especially like the first one.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain).
3 years 34 weeks ago, 9:09 PM

HKBauer

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Heres the site i found the jokes at
http://www.notoriouslyconservative.com/

3 years 34 weeks ago, 6:34 AM

tallguy007

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lmao

very funnt ty hope u have a great weekend

DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR

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