Three vaqueros are sitting around a table, drinking tequila at a cantina in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. They each are taking turns telling perro peludo stories, and the conversation turns to famous, feared gunfighters. Many names are brought up, like Francisco Zamora, Jose Gallegos, Atanacio Martinez, Antonio Carbajal. As each is discussed, they talk of exploits and how many people they killed. Each one is exceeded by the next, until little Ferdito Tafoya, drunk as a skunk slurs out, " amigos--Ju ferget Two Gun Pete"! dee wurst and baddest in sout Tejas".
The other two vaqueros agreed that Two Gun Pete was the best gunslinger they ever heard of, and Ferdy Tafoya tells them--"I know HEEM". The other two vaqueros laugh hysterically, and tell Ferdy that's the best shaggy dog story any one told all afternoon. Ferdy says," chingas tus madres!--I DO KNOW TWO GUN PETE!! I met heem one day over in Laredo."
The two vaqueros can't wait to hear this. "Wha happen when ju meet Two Gun Peet??
Ferdy tells them the story; "i rode across the boarder to go to dee blaksmit--when I get dair, I ty up my horse, and bump into dis caballero by axident." He say, "HOMBRE! why ju bump into me an hurt my foot? I say, "lo siento much, senior", and he say, "Do ju know who am I??" and I say, "No senior". and he say," I am Two Gun Pete, an I am gonna teech ju to bee mas cuidado den ju are!" Ju see my horses sheet dair onda ground?? an I say , "jes, Two Gun Pete". an he say, "I want ju shud eat the horses' sheet". an I say, "but I done wanna eat that horses' sheet". an he pulls his two guns an says, "ahora!! ju gonna eat that horses' sheet!?" an I say,"Ju bet two gun Pete" [what kood I do, he had da drop on me] "so I ate the horses' sheet" . Jus den my horse rear up an knock Two Gun Pete ass over tin cups, an he drop his pistolas, an I kwik pick up de pistolas an get dee drop on heem. I say to heem, "Two Gun Pete--you see my horses sheet dair on dee ground?" He say, "Jes, I doo". an I say, "I want ju shood eat my horses' sheet". an ha say, "what can I doo, Ju got dee drop on me", an he eat my horses' sheet.
Too old to fight, Too old to run, guess that's why I carry a gun! "would someone show this asshole the way out of town".[Rabbi Avram Belinski-aka "The Frisco Kid"]
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