1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
P S - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.'
Redneck Security Company
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