I don't even know where to start, but sure know i owe you an explanation as friends.. I can tell you that I'm a tad underwhelmed at having to do this in a post, but when i tried to give my close friends updates last week i sent a group pm to 10 and guess none of you fucks could read it.
Just as well, as when it stopped taking addresses on the pm block i still had like 5 that weren't on the list... and that REALLY bugged me, so just as well.. i will say that this will be a one time post on this issue.. Obviously its pretty serious, but i was sorta afraid i was heading down the emotion highway, and taking all my bro's on the sissy city exit..
Shit this is hard.. Guys.. Looks like im checking out.. (for you new troops.. this is NOT what gunslot is about.. it is what the friendships on here are about).. I was diagnosed with prostate C a couple years ago.. Went thru radiation as opposed to surgery due to my back..It didn't work so we wind up with a world class oncologist (for real) he does salvage radiation..(the seeds in the "taint" caper) the first PSA test showed it was alarmingly high.. But that could be related to all the radiation.. or (play scary music) whats euphemistically called (Brad i have to talk to you about this one of these days) "distant".. Distant means stage 4 and somewhere between 1-3 years..
My absence this last week was based on Gary, who is honestly doing (and thanks for the prayers) here 100% better.. As well as my Niece who also chose this time to hospitalizing DVT blood clots..(shes also better) and the following.. I had to have some tests happen ASAP as i started passing blood in my urine.. Hmmm wondering if it's cheap humor to call this a pisser..
The results were devastating.. Got them last night.. The reason they thought it had spread was the PSA had gone from 2 to 9... It's now 17.. To be real candid i asked the doc (made it clear that i would not hold anyone responsible for the obvious guess).. i said ok so we know its spread.. Can i assume a couple of years (cure is not possible once its spread outside the pelvis or stage 3) .. i get this long silence, he says well since you have not yet gone thru any treatment i would think you should be able to assume that (then threw a couple of disclaimers at me) ..
Their setting up bone, and CAT scan to see where it is.. Obviously im praying that it hasn't spread so far that maybe we can put it into some sort of remission.. (hint, hint) This gets really hard to talk about now.. I asked my family to just give me a couple of days to digest all of this.. Gloria has been a rock, and honestly outside of being numb im not doing to bad.. I told Gloria that i was going to make her proud... And my friends im going to make that same commitment to you.. I'm going to make you guys proud.. period..
I called Lee this morning, told Pard what was up, and figured I'd sneak on tonight later and post something.. Then i get an E from Greasy.. Mike .. I gota talk to you about that whole making me cry shit.. Not good for us older but still (least think) got some shit guys to be breaking down in tears.. Mike sent me an Email that more than just touched me.. It got to the essence of what we are as a group..
Fuck a bunch of internet crap..anyone who doesn't know we have true honest friendship on here doesn't belong here.. I love you guys.. We're so remote we don't have a lot of people in our life, and were sorta loaners by nature anyway.. but you guys are everything to me.. Gloria and i sit at night, and she asks me about you guys like 3 or 4 times every evening.. the latest on this or that..
I've missed being on.. Sorta felt like i had the phone glued to my ear last week, as there was one time that we really thought Gary wasn't going to pull thru.. Then this shit.. I will tell you that i mention you guys to our Lord everyday. and with all my heart ive missed you.. (I"VE TAKEN THAT FUCKING SISSYVILLE EXIT)..sheeesh.. Ok thats it..
Look I'm going to be getting back on here for the twice a days that i always did pre-issue (know some of you new guys and gals don't know that, but a fact) and rather than that whole shitty everyday conversation about health that NONE of us wants in anyway.. Lets PLEASE end it with this.. I'm the same padre that loves the Lord, loves you guys, loves everything that "WE" stand for, and hopefully gives you a smile from time to time. So rather than all the usual comments..
LISTEN MY FRIENDS.. i know i have your prayers.. and you have my friendship and everything that goes with it.. Please "IF" your going to respond lets just do what "we" do best, and gets us back on the have fun being WHAT WE ARE highway.. a simple "check" will do..Matter of fact it means everything.. That's from my heart, otherwise im going to have this "oh man im screwing up the room" feeling, and thats the LAST thing i want.. I really want to return to just being your padre thats on all the time, because i have missed you all more than you have any idea..
SO.."check" sometimes says it all.. thanks.. and this is the LAST on the issue... shit.. i love you guys..
a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
5 years 35 weeks ago, 5:59 PM