Forums / Off Topic / Who's the toughest?

5 years 16 weeks ago, 10:02 AM

birdebyrd

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Who's the toughest?

During a routine patrol three members of a joint-task force reconnaissance team, a Special Forces Soldier, a Marine, and a Navy Seal got separated from their squad in the mountains of Afghanistan. They were supposed to be picked up the next morning , so they had the next several hours to wait things out. Temperatures can drop significantly at night so they decided to build a fire at the entrance of one of the abandoned caves. Things got boring so they began arguing among themselves about who was the toughest.
The soldier began with a story about how he almost single-handedly held off a platoon of Sadaam’s Republican guard in Operation Iraqi Freedom. Between 30 and 40 enemy fighters besieged his four-member team. Demonstrating exceptional resolve, he valiantly led his men in engaging the large enemy force. The ensuing fierce firefight resulted in numerous enemy casualties, as well as the wounding of all four members of the team. Ignoring his own wounds and demonstrating exceptional composure, he continued to lead and encourage his men. When the primary communicator fell mortally wounded, the soldier repeatedly attempted to call for assistance for his beleaguered teammates. Realizing the impossibility of communicating in the terrain, and in the face of almost certain death, he fought his way into open terrain to gain a better position to transmit a call. This deprived him of cover, exposing him to direct enemy fire. “That’s why I’m the toughest”, he said to his team-mates.
“yeah, whatever,” said the Marine. “One time, in Somalia, we were receiving intense fire from a concealed machine gun, so I deliberately exposed myself to draw its fire. Thus locating its position, I attempted to destroy it with an antitank weapon. Although I inflicted casualties, the weapon did not silence the enemy fire. Quickly, disregarding the intense fire directed on me and my platoon, I charged 30 meters across open ground, and hurled grenades into the enemy position, killing some of the 8 insurgents manning it. Although severely wounded, when my grenades were expended, armed with only a rifle, I continued the momentum of my assault on the position and killed the remainder of the enemy. My selfless actions reduced the fire on my platoon, broke the enemy assault, and rallied my unit to continue toward the accomplishment of this mission. That’s why I’m the toughest!”
“Gosh, I’m speechless!” said the Navy Seal, stirring the fire with his dick…

Feedin' the till, for the "Stimulus" Bill (since 1974)
5 years 16 weeks ago, 10:15 AM

clintlebo

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Rank:
General
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2309
Join Date:
Aug 2008
Location:
land, of confusion, United States
toughest?

Jokes like are funny. It is amazing to me that you never hear of one that concludes with an Airman winning the "who's dick is bigger" battle. It also seems evident that no matter how the story is told, all the "special forces" are compared to a Marine. The SEALs, Special Forces, etc. have additional training.

The stories are still funny though...but I heard sparticus22286 was the toughest, and the best bomb technician!!

clint

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
5 years 16 weeks ago, 10:30 AM

birdebyrd

birdebyrd's picture

Rank:
Brigadier General
Points:
320
Join Date:
Feb 2009
Location:
50 Miles WEST of the Atlantic, GA
think of "tough"

a swabby, an airman, etc. doesn't come to mind... my specialized training in the Navy would allow me to throw staplers, typewriters, and thumbtacks at the enemy... Now there's a REAL threat... papercuts for the enemy!
I doubt if they still use typewriters; it's been a while.

Feedin' the till, for the "Stimulus" Bill (since 1974)
5 years 16 weeks ago, 10:43 AM

clintlebo

clintlebo's picture


Rank:
General
Points:
2309
Join Date:
Aug 2008
Location:
land, of confusion, United States
birdebyrd

No not the staplers, you are too cruel, I see that you are a dual wielder!!

those thumbtacks leave a nasty wound channel!!!

Paper cuts...priceless!!

You might be suprised as to who were serving with while active. I am reading a book about an aircraft mechanic during Vietnam. He was a scout sniper for the CIA that used his wrench bending as cover so no one knew what he really did. Very interesting read.

clint

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin & Hobbes)

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