During a routine patrol three members of a joint-task force reconnaissance team, a Special Forces Soldier, a Marine, and a Navy Seal got separated from their squad in the mountains of Afghanistan. They were supposed to be picked up the next morning , so they had the next several hours to wait things out. Temperatures can drop significantly at night so they decided to build a fire at the entrance of one of the abandoned caves. Things got boring so they began arguing among themselves about who was the toughest.
The soldier began with a story about how he almost single-handedly held off a platoon of Sadaam’s Republican guard in Operation Iraqi Freedom. Between 30 and 40 enemy fighters besieged his four-member team. Demonstrating exceptional resolve, he valiantly led his men in engaging the large enemy force. The ensuing fierce firefight resulted in numerous enemy casualties, as well as the wounding of all four members of the team. Ignoring his own wounds and demonstrating exceptional composure, he continued to lead and encourage his men. When the primary communicator fell mortally wounded, the soldier repeatedly attempted to call for assistance for his beleaguered teammates. Realizing the impossibility of communicating in the terrain, and in the face of almost certain death, he fought his way into open terrain to gain a better position to transmit a call. This deprived him of cover, exposing him to direct enemy fire. “That’s why I’m the toughest”, he said to his team-mates.
“yeah, whatever,” said the Marine. “One time, in Somalia, we were receiving intense fire from a concealed machine gun, so I deliberately exposed myself to draw its fire. Thus locating its position, I attempted to destroy it with an antitank weapon. Although I inflicted casualties, the weapon did not silence the enemy fire. Quickly, disregarding the intense fire directed on me and my platoon, I charged 30 meters across open ground, and hurled grenades into the enemy position, killing some of the 8 insurgents manning it. Although severely wounded, when my grenades were expended, armed with only a rifle, I continued the momentum of my assault on the position and killed the remainder of the enemy. My selfless actions reduced the fire on my platoon, broke the enemy assault, and rallied my unit to continue toward the accomplishment of this mission. That’s why I’m the toughest!”
“Gosh, I’m speechless!” said the Navy Seal, stirring the fire with his dick…
Feedin' the till, for the "Stimulus" Bill (since 1974)