The Dam Government

The Dam Government

The Dam

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property.
It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality,
State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter..

State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ
File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized
activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the
following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits
have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes
and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event,
causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and
cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore
the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2010.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be
scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result i
n this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office
if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File
No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr.Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/09 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner
but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two
wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize,
nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use
of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/o
r any place you choose.. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills,
their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that
they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request
completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see
if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania
Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation?
The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding,
is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should
leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are
going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is
blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should
protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement
action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there
will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area
It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the
defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step!
The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering
machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

More From samD

3 Comments

4 years 8 weeks ago, 3:53 PM

manu2014

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Lieutenant General
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What can you say? I bet you couldn't find an ounce of common sense in all of the gov't.

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. Thoreau
4 years 8 weeks ago, 3:58 PM

HampsterW

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Secretary of State
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Cottonwood Heights, Utah, United States
Holy shit sam

LMFAO, that is the funniest thing I have ever read.....DAM BEAVERS...lol

Change you can truly believe in comes from the barrel of a gun---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ron Paul 2012----Vote the bastards out!---------------------------------
4 years 8 weeks ago, 10:03 PM

luckybychoice

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Secretary of the Treasury
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May 2009
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United States
an oldie but goodie

fun to read again tho.

i tried being reasonable,i didn't like it, NRA LIFE MEMBER,USMC VETERAN
samD's picture
Posted by: samD
4 years 8 weeks ago
Views:
521
Comments:
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