Money's Short, Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking Christmas Card
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
everyone felt shitty, even the mouse
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my place to see what's the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the old fucker fell
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
Piss on you all and have a good night
- Have a nice Christmas, asshole
