Nymphomaniac Convention

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

33 Comments

4 years 21 weeks ago, 11:36 AM

greg az

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Cleared left center with 30 ft to spare..

Tonto.. Tonto Goldstien, but my friends just call me Bubba... come on Mike, thats worth a hug..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 12:05 PM

dockit

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yeah I hear ya..........bubba

I intend to live forever, or die trying. It Could Be that the Purpose of Your Life is Only to Serve as a Warning to Others. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:09 PM

catfish88

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Ha ha...that' great! I

Ha ha...that' great! I really needed a good laugh.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:11 PM

samD

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Where did the old Schuyler go?
I want him back!

4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:26 PM

greg az

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Guessing his ESP will kick in soon Sam, and of course your comment "i want him back" will make everything all hunky bunky funky dorry (... huh) All i know is i've had enough drama the last few days..Two quick addendum's to the above..

Brad.. Rodney is only trumped by the gal who did the "LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE!!" shit..

Bob.. Nope i was the kid who always got IN the fights.. spent the first 30 years thinking a day with out a fight was like a day with out sunshine.. The amazing thing is i never won over half of them, so obviously a short buss candidate.. But man i loved to thump.. Even now i brag about how "i got beat up there" or "i remember the night i got my ass kicked in that place".. Anyway sure not the kid breaking up the fights..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:30 PM

samD

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Greg AZ

I am really tired of the drama and whining. I have just about had it. Maybe, I will resign and let Snake be your President and moderator, is this what everyone wants?
I just try to have a little fun everyday, but I guess I have failed.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:48 PM

Vaquero

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samD

You have my permission to fuck with my avatar all you want.
Next round is on me!

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4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:48 PM

greg az

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Ok... Go immediately to the kitchen and pour your self 3 fingers of good brandy Sammy..

There is not, and there will not be another pres/skipper of our fucked up little group of over the hill Alpha males, Gun totting docs, yuppie AR buying, redneck gunsmiths, Utah jack Mormon screw balls.. And thats a fuck'n PERIOD!!

so pour 3 fingers, stop whining about your fate.. Schuyler will be back cause he loves ya just like we all do...

Sheesh wheres Vaq when i need the boy.. Just got an update.. Bub is still in induced coma, but all vitals improved, and lifes good..

Life's only good on Gunsluts with Skipper Sam.. END OF STORY!!.

In edit; in case you missread the comment.. when i said your comment to Schuyler would fix it i was serious.. meaning thats all we have to do as guys .. just reach out as you did.. we might be a bit fucked up that way, but at least we have our act together better than that other gender.. We all get to go south from time to time, and as soon as the other guy reaches out..as you did.. lifes good... Go drink the Brandy, not the koolaid..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:47 PM

Anonymous

SamD Listen Bro

Leave me out of this little tussle. Yeah I want to be president but I want to earn my keep,not take over cause you backed down. If you resign you will be gunslots own version of Richard Nixon. Like I said in the past I like the sound of being a moderator and I would be fair and let people vote on what is to stay and be deleted, but I am not power hungry. If the powers that be see fit to give me a chance as a moderator then thats there own doing. I am just happy to be on gunslot and to be 3rd in line in rank.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:10 PM

samD

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I feel that is reserved for those who have served this country. Especially the Viet Nam era vets. We were dumped on by alot of so called "people" mostly left wing agitators who are trying to take this country down. They have tried but they will never succeed as long as me and my bro's can still take a breath and squeeze the trigger.
I think sir is the right thing for you to call me.
As far as your points toward President go, if I was to delete your one and 2 word responses to serious questions, you wouldn't have enough points to buy a low cut dress for a hummingbird.
As far as you being a moderator, maybe, after you graduate from college, then you might have some experience for that job. Might and maybe being the operative words.
You are a nice boy at times Jon, still young and delusional, but time will tell.
I will stay on as long as it is fun for me and the rest of this "Motley" Krew, and I mean that in the nicest way.
I love our band of brothers and sisters.
I spend hours researching items and reading columns daily to try to keep up with the times for here. I get over 300 emails a day from all over the world, from columnsa that I have subscribed to.
I love this site. I want it to prosper.
Please do me a favor go to school, work on your spelling and learn! Experience will prevail!
p.s. All my writing is down without a spelling editor.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:20 PM

Anonymous

Ok samD

I respect that and by the way I will be in school August 23rd, which is less than 30 day from now. As for you staying I was not trying to run ya off,i consider you a good friend and a great motivator. All I ask from you is to let me put my past mistakes behind and everyone can be friends and joke around. I enjoy talkin to everyone here and I think if you would ease up on the pressure you got on me I would be a very enjoyable person. So what do ya say samD sir can we be friends?

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:28 PM

Vaquero

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I mean this in the best possible way.
Quit whining and earn some damn respect. sam is a full grown man. I know that sounds confusing to you. One day you will understand, and honestly, you will become nauseaus at the crap you put on here that I don't even know about. Let it go and most people on here will too, in their own good time.

PS, if you want moderator, then you aint fit for it, kinda like public office. The good ones have to be pushed and prodded into office.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:38 PM

Anonymous

..........Vaq

.........................that hurt a bit......... Oh well fine I give up, I dont want to be any shape or form of moderator and I dont want to be president I will just stick to being a historical adviser and meber of gunslot........Thats it nothing more nothing less.......

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:46 PM

Vaquero

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Snake

I aint trying to hurt you, I'm trying to help.
Look around, you are the only one I see who brings up your past.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:55 PM

Anonymous

............

Alright I guess........

4 years 21 weeks ago, 2:55 PM

greg az

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and for what its worth believe you might do a good job as moderator.. . That being said your comment "yeah i want to be president" .. well that sorta made me lose my chance of a woody for the next quarter..(thats 3 months Jon).. read the Peter Principle..

Be happy should you be asked to be a moderator.. Again i think we would all be fine with that.. If ya think about being pres again i want you to slap your self.. Not hard Jon, we all really like you.. Just enough to leave a mark..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:02 PM

Vaquero

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Howdy guys! Damn near normal on here today.
Shit! I'm buyin!!!

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:04 PM

Anonymous

Greg az

the chances of me being gunslot president is thinner than a strand of piss ant hair,the highest i will ever aquire will be vice president and thats my true goal here,samD is a good president even though he dosent like me to much. But I would be happy to be a moderator if the powers that be want to test run the snake as a mod. But being in the company of good gentlemen like you and the rest of gunslot its a what I really like here. Friendship is key to a lot of people and well I am happy to call you all friends.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:11 PM

luckybychoice

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maybe keep photos of kin off for a start.

i tried being reasonable,i didn't like it, NRA LIFE MEMBER,USMC VETERAN
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:21 PM

Anonymous

LBC

Its not just kin,its a history lesson to do with the civil war.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:17 PM

greg az

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Vaq.. Damn if you don't have some timing.. sheesh.. i will try my best to get back soon as i can, i just sent you a pm thinking you'd be on later..

Yep.. it's been a day..

..... SKIPPY!!

BRRAAHHHHHAAAA

sorry but the only thing that makes since at a time like this is my favorite chant.....

OOOHHHWWWAAAADDDDDAAAARRRREEEETTTAAAARRRDDDDIIIIIIAAAAAMMMM

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:20 PM

Vaquero

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What?

naptime at the Edwards residence?

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4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:25 PM

greg az

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this is just to much fun.. none of us have a hair if we don't deal on this "spicey" issue.. Lucky, Vaq.. I would but that pesky Christian thing sorta has me in check.. sheessh

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:28 PM

Anonymous

Im also out for a bit

Gonna go watch the big H channel, I am 10-10 on the side.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:51 PM

catfish88

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To take Greg's advice I'll quote....."LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE!!" Now, how in the hell did a post of a joke about nymphomanicas end up with this thread!! It makes for a good read though. So, how the hell is everybody...tell me how you really feel.

4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:54 PM

Vaquero

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Where are they when you need them?
oh look! candy!

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4 years 21 weeks ago, 3:56 PM

greg az

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Back with a cold one.. Ok who goes first.. And guess we should skip "spicey" .. know i'd just feel guilty later..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 4:07 PM

greg az

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The cousin we rode down to Tucson with..(Ram 350 dually) has got a since of humor and a half.. They had the fuel, so Gloria and i picked up the meals.. Were in Casa Grande at a Golden Corral.. my Cousin goes back for desert for the second time..

His wife starts to give him some shit about it...He says two things that had me holding on to the table...first he says.. "Dear.. are you thirsty?" .. "would you like a big cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP" thought Gloria and i were gonna lose it.. Then he says about the second helping of desert.."Honey, Im only doing it for the ANTIOXIDANTS".. That my friends is funny..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 4:12 PM

Vaquero

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funny stuff greg

probly get a man shot at my house!
Hows the dial up?

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4 years 21 weeks ago, 4:27 PM

greg az

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think its the router.. when you go Sat you have a choice of three diffrent speeds. all merchandising (nope not gonna spell check, live with it..) as you know the cost is the same from the company "wild blue" subsidary (wow that spell check looks good, but slow) of Direct tv.. so they profit on going hi speed... ok were cheap asses.. and our sat is the same speed as dial up..

I changed the router a bit.. kicked everything that weighed over 3 lbs.. and sprayed a bit of hoppes on the back of the tower.. know your thinking im bsing.. nope.. fact.. just one goofy m.f. so anyway im up, but pretty slow..

Holy shit does that read weird.. what ever.. somebody elses turn.. Lyle. your awfull quite thier brother... say something.. Trust me your needed..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
4 years 21 weeks ago, 4:37 PM

Vaquero

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greg, pm

no rush. hoppes in the router? Dayum! I bet you woulda tried paragoeric, how the hell do you spell it?, if you coulda got some!!!
LOL

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4 years 21 weeks ago, 4:38 PM

catfish88

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So Greg, I'll talk about random shit now, I had a patient in my office today, she was 21 y/o and she did not like shaving her legs. I mean, I bet she hadn't shaved in YEARS. Her leg hair was as long as mine, and that's pretty long! It was a shame really, cause she was otherwise cute. "OH baby, I love looking into your eyes while I run my hands through your hairy legs"

4 years 21 weeks ago, 12:45 AM

greg az

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Sure you know that used to be "sorta" common back in the 60-70 era.. The whole women's lib thing produced a plethora (thats for Schuyler) of hairy women.. The leg hair wasn't as bad as the "pit" hair.. Fact is that hair just adds to odor.. so on top of the hairy pits you had ...yep.. smell..

You guys who are old enough remember exactly what im saying.. and of course not a one of us was straight up honest enough (oh yeah we got straight up alright.. but not that way) to say.. ah... baby .. you stink.. Fact is we had this other agenda, and that was a good way of NOT making it work out .. So...

Any way gals in Europe did it, but thankfully it never really caught on here.. see you all in the am.. later my friends..

a man has to hold his word, hold his beliefs, and hold a good sight picture.
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4 years 21 weeks ago
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