RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of your choices:

RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of your choices:

You can retire to Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

More From samD

6 Comments

3 years 36 weeks ago, 12:42 PM

ecaman

ecaman's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
2613
Join Date:
Jul 2009
Location:
Payson, UT, United States

Given my druthers, I'd be in the Deep South.

By the way, "he needed killin'" also works in Oklahoma and Texas, although they're not all that "deep".

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain).
3 years 36 weeks ago, 3:11 PM

Shakleford

Shakleford's picture

Rank:
General
Points:
2439
Join Date:
Feb 2009
Location:
Ft. Worth, Texas, United States

I plan to retire to East Texas. Lake Fork or Lake Tawakoni.......Fish everyday!

"Two flags fly above my land that really sum up how I feel. One is the colors that fly high and proud the red the white the blue.The other ones got a rattlesnake with a simple statement made, Don’t Tread On Me is what it says"
3 years 36 weeks ago, 5:29 PM

runawaygun762

runawaygun762's picture

Rank:
Vice President
Points:
8929
Join Date:
Nov 2008
Location:
Richland, MO, United States

it looks like I'm gonna end up in Missouri. Damn it.

"I have always been a soldier. I have known no other life. The calling of arms, I have followed from boyhood. I have never sought another." From The Virtues of War, by Steven Pressfield.
3 years 36 weeks ago, 6:20 PM

Vaquero

Vaquero's picture

Rank:
General of the Army
Points:
5482
Join Date:
Dec 2009
Location:
West Texas
The highway

I plan to hit the road in about 7 years.
Motorhome till I or the motor wear out.
Dang, now I gotta learn castle and carry for the contiguous 48!

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
3 years 36 weeks ago, 9:17 PM

rommelvspatton

rommelvspatton's picture

Rank:
Brigadier General
Points:
222
Join Date:
Feb 2010

"He needed killin" is a valid defense.

IVE USED THAT!!!!!

via south Carolina!!

3 years 36 weeks ago, 6:07 AM

Bigshot Nobody

Bigshot Nobody's picture

Rank:
Lieutenant General
Points:
721
Join Date:
Oct 2009

was great and funny. Run,,, yours cracked me up. I lived in Missouri(pronounced 'Misery') ,,, hated that place. Watched them build the Arch when I was little. Just gave away my age aye. Vaq, I used that 'he just needed killin' myself too here in Ga and TN,,,,.but if you need directions to all the little White Castles, you'll have to have to switch to Krystal Burgers to get your little 'gut bombers' here aye. Whoooo nasty little creatures those midget buggers are hehe. Sam, I copied this and sent it to mom for a hoot, thx. Vaq, I know you meant permit, just being punny, get it.

"We fight not for Glory nor for Honors; but only and alone we fight for Freedom, which no Good Man surrenders but with his life" - Robert the Bruce "Declaration of Arbroath"
samD's picture
Posted by: samD
3 years 36 weeks ago
Views:
1,972
Comments:
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