Something Offensive for anyone

Something Offensive for anyone

I'd just come out of the shop with meat and with a potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

Top tip; if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex........... Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did '

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty , your bound to lose it eventually'

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'

I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............

Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and “Mexicans” were not the correct answers.

More From samD

1 Comment

4 years 4 days ago, 7:28 AM

manu2014

manu2014's picture

Rank:
Lieutenant General
Points:
926
Join Date:
Feb 2009
Location:
Raleigh
Love it Sam

Except I wasn't offended. I'm a little shocked you know my "damp cloth" trick.

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. Thoreau
samD's picture
Posted by: samD
4 years 5 days ago
Views:
510
Comments:
1

Rating Overview

User Rating:
(1 vote)
This text will be replaced

Recent Activity