Here are some reflections for 2009:
To President Obama: Thank you for saving the Republican Party and for teaching all of us that too much of anything is a bad thing.
To Bill Clinton: You did too much work on Northern Ireland for the Nobel committee. Next time, do nothing.
To Harry and Nancy: “The Twilight Zone” once had an episode where the town got the exact opposite of what it wanted. Farewell, Harry!
To John McCain: Thank you for your chivalry in banning Palin attack dogs — including my sister — from the campaign plane.
To Sarah Palin: Keep up the good work. Anyone who annoys Keith Olbermann that much is a friend to all of us.
To Glenn Beck: Thanks for being the only journalist interested in stories that used to win Pulitzer Prizes.
To Al Franken: So, 250 years of Senate tradition trashed. Stuart Smalley would have done better.
To Desirée Rogers: Get back to the gate. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson can’t get in.
To the Salahis: Thank you for showing us that shame has no bottom.
To Valerie Jarrett: So much for the Olympic Village in Chicago. Whoops.
To Chris Dodd: The only thing lower than your polls is your mortgage interest rate.
To Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mike Mullen: The military should be more interested in the men and women who serve than in celebrating diversity.
To the Democratic senators: Go last next time; the bribes are much bigger.
To Sheldon Whitehouse: You, senator, are an idiot.
To Dick Cheney: You, sir, are a patriot. Thanks for firing back.
To President Bush: Thank you for your dignity. Did you really start the plague in the 14th century? Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
To Hillary: Who knew how much you would be missed?
To Al Gore: A global warming conference in the middle of a Copenhagen blizzard is not a good visual.
To Max Baucus, Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards: Party on, dudes.
To John Ensign, Mark Sanford and David Vitter: Don’t party on, dudes.
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: December 26, 2009